He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So many bounce houses so little time
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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