Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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