Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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