I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
