we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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