capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
