Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
