Having a random hookup so left but love u
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
