is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
