Need sex. Gaining weight.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize