Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We have started to decorate penises.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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