i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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