If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
