walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
