I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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