Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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