so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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