Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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