K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
