I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
