Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
