i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
