when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
