yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize