i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize