his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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