I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
