i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All the doctor said was why
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
