we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
