I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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