If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
