Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
