It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
