I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
