see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
