Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
