So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
