At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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