next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
