dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
