she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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