To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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