forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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