On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
