Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
