Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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