sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
