I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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