My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
