Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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