You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just pee around me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
