All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
