i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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