this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
