like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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