I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize