When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
