I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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