that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
