god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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