If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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