Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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