2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
