This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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