I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
