Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have feelings that need drinking.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
