There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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