Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize