I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
