Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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