Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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