I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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