This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
