You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
