Swine flu. Run for my life!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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