This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
