Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
