I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As shirtless as possible
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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