well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
